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CANINE SEXISTS THREATEN VANDALISM AT THE CALIFORNIA STATE CAPITOL
By Pat Gilbert

It is shocking to this writer to find that in an era where sexism has been thought to be abolished, that sexism is striking at the California State Capitol. The sexism is being exhibited in the protest of seemingly innocuous displays of canine statuary and public garden décor.

There was some discussion of sneaking in at night and using a Saws-All to neuter a service dog monument.

The following words may have been overheard by some "We cannot have intact testicles on government property.  As California government officials, at least the ones on our side, will attest to, Sacramento is a testicle-free zone." These words are attributed to Nender's thinking.

The Nender benders seek only to destroy the male canine works or art.

This is where I object most strenuously and give a howl of protest against the sexist attitude of the Nender pack. Where is the equality for those who worked so hard to get out of the whelping box?

I believe that rather than defacing any work of art, regardless of sex, we could make some over garments to cover that part of canine anatomy that some find offensive.

I do not feel that fig leaves will send the proper message to the Sacramento power tool wielding vandals.

We must, in the interest of compromise with the politically neutered-neutering in California, use grape leaves from the finest Napa Valley vineyards as our templates.

Rather than neuter a marble set of magnificence we can create grape leaf sports cups and over garments to also cover a potentially offending showing of the unmentionable p*n*s.

I suggest grape leaf brassieres with at least 10 cups to hide the offensive sight of female and male canine nipples.

Any canine statuary that also exhibits high tail carriage and therefore exposes female genitalia must be clothed with a grape leaf modesty panel.

I think that this compromise will protect and keep our works of art intact. Those of us who are not offended by what nature has made, can peek under the grape leaves to get a true appreciation of the artist's work.

I sincerely believe that this compromise with the Nender benders will most assuredly keep testicles and other vestiges of gender identification off most government property and in particular Sacramento where this work is most needed.